Category: The Birds

Pro-Life Pigeon League

They met regularly in a secret bell tower in the city of Chicago, a city so hazardous and inhospitable to Pigeonkind that it not only completely banned Pigeon keeping, feeding, racing and fancying, but it employed some of the more aggressive anti-Pigeon operations seen in the United States.

Members of the Pro-Life Pigeon League were all a-flutter on this chilly November day, mostly on account of the myths that the Blue Scare were muddling up into the facts. They discussed their usual business with a dash of urgency, a hint of azure.

As we make progress toward our critical mass,” said Harvey to the gathering, “we need to keep in mind the ancestry of our choices. In order to stay strong in these coming times, we need to stay present to the many leagues of Rock Dove that have gone before. They knew these ways, and we are connecting with them in our blood, in our sacred choosing, in our return to Martha’s way, the ancient way. In their wingspans do we fly.”

Harvey was a bird who brushed up on her oratory skills every time she flew to the Capitol, where she was the main liason from Central Squabland. There she filled up on rhetoric like a hummingbird on nectar. Thus she was nearly always chosen to open meetings, and she did so with fanfare. A wave of bobbing Pigeon heads passed the tower from perch to perch. [1]

Martha was commonly invoked in these meetings. The Last Passenger Pigeon, the final member of the extinct clan whose ways were widely considered superior to those of modern adaptation-minded Pigeons. “Common Pigeons,” they were called among breeders and racers alike. Sometimes they were referred to as “Wild Ones” or “Feral” or “City Birds.” A little update: in modern times, no matter how sheltered, no matter how intentionally controlled their bloodline, all Pigeons were adapted birds. They had learned ways to survive a world ruthlessly dominated by the human species. Some, like Racing Homers and Fancy Breeds, survived through a reinforced sense of superiority. Others survived through a prideless cohabitation with those who displaced them.

No one was arguing that there was not a marked difference between the carefully-bred Homers and the willy-nilly Rock Doves of the city. But since the origins of Livia’s Tower, since the early days of the Pro-Life Pigeon League, the city birds and feral racers alike were getting educated together. They knew they all came from the same original stock, and they shared a common ancestry. Cross-bred with the hallowed White Dove in Sumeria some three-thousand years before the birth of the Christians’ Christ, they had long been adopted into the family of heroic odyssey. Somewhere along the line, an artificial social distinction was made in order to match projection with perception. The distopian inventions of class and race were anthropomorphically applied to the widely diverse bird family. Unbelievable, untenable human standards were shackled round the little twig-legs, and the flock was divided. One single breed, not surprisingly a white one, was singled out to represent the Holy Spirit. The rest were cast aside. Indeed, a whole race of them had already been wiped out: the pastoral, innocent, naïve, plentiful Passengers. Much of the Squabland diaspora that remained had been disconnected and dissociated for decades. But no longer. Here, in the PLPL, they could come together, for the future of their little squeakers and their squeakers’ squeakers! In the PLPL, they were able to share the skills of their widely variant evolutionary adaptations, together choosing the consensual upgrades that would create an empowered future, an exalted Squabland where the natural brilliance and majesty of their nature would shine forth, untarnished and unlimited!

In order to appeal to the variety of cognitive abilities in the bunch [2], they reviewed this material in every meeting.

Our first line of defense, brethren, is to proliferate as widely and quickly as possible, while keeping our growing numbers safe. This way, our predators can’t possibly make a dent in our populations, can’t affect the great soul of our people. And those lost will only come back stronger. So sayeth the promise of the All-Bird.”

A murmured couping purred through the crowd as the lot of them paid their respected to their Sovereign. As the sound rose into a veritable organ hum, members of the flock trembled and flapped and cried out, gone static electric with the collective resonance.

Stuff ‘em silly, and they’ll quit before they make it through the appetizers!” called out one respected old Roller from Chicago, squeaking through his statue-sharpened beak.

They won’t even make it through our front lines! Let’s see ‘em take on all the Pigeon nations united as one! They’ll die trying!” shrieked a young Parlour Roller raised in Livia’s tower.

“We’ve been coming back since before there was such a thing as a comeback”

A chant started vaguely in the West corner: “Com-ing BACK! Com-ing BACK!”

The tone was set. The pulse heightened, the flock warm. Navigating the GPS-minds to the heart of the mission at hand, Harvey asked Karl to give them a brief overview of their campaign basics.

Allright, y’all, listen up! I want to see one eye from each of ya,” called out Karl, ever the popular rabble-rouser among the Chicago lofts. Karl was descended from a pair of Manchester Rollers who flew the coop for freedom before he was nested. After his parents were killed in a tragic municipal poisoning, Karl grew up a lone fancy feral among city birds. He sported a well-honed charismatic combo of a no-bullshit-or-I’ll-slice-ya street presence, a joyful ease with the whimsical talents of all Roller Pigeons [3], and a sense of humor providing enough room for the fullness of that spectrum in one bird. “So, remember why we’re in this: this here’s a freedom fight for our kind. Ain’t gonna study this war no more. This is about planetary survival! No longer will we be divided and conquered. No longer will we perpetuate the values of the colonizer. No longer will we be segregated into ‘White Doves’ and ‘Racing Homers,’ ‘Fancy Breeds’ and ‘Street-Rat Vermin!’”

A ripple went through the feathers upon the utterance of the V-word. Personally, Karl liked to tousle those feathers, so he gave his wings a good flap or two and continued on.

This kind of segregation is how we lost our Passengers, it’s true, and Flo can say more about that in our History and Current Events portion of the evening.” He winked an orange saucer in Florence’s direction. “But I’m here to remind y’all of why we’re here, WHY we gather like this. We are working for a Superbreed here, and that kind of evolutionary leap don’t come overnight.”

That’s right!”

It won’t come without a fight!”

Sing it, brother!”

Karl continued, “As it’s been told, we Pigeonfolk have been meeting like this since Martha passed the Great Note [4] and our Benefactress delivered the Prophecy. We are slowly, but surely, taking responsibility for our own people, our own ways, our own role in this evolutionary uprising. And we are circling back around for those still lost; no one is left behind. We are steady infiltrating the ranks of those whose brains were washed, those who will get squashed on a one-way street just trying to grab a moldy chunk of hotdog bun.”

Wings flapped in syncopated agitation. Squawks from the many Chicago birds who had lost family members in this way.

They’ve asserted control over our numbers as well as our perches. They’ve massacred a royal family and its whole nomadic kind. And who are they? Just big ole chickens, trying to rule the roost. Well, we see their trembling wattles. They got their flailing talons and fumbly tactics, we got our wits and wings! They got their machines and menaces, we got our networks, our communities, our dauntless courage, our very way of life! They try and try to take us down, but we’re on the rise, Squabland!”

We’re on the rise! Let them chickens run!”

Poor confused idiots,” clucked a loud Trumpeter from the Southside. “The fool-ass folks trying to kill us don’t even know they need us! They need every last one of us to keep this ship from going down!”

That’s right, Bokhara. We got this! Let’s keep those numbers growing!”

Nest up, homies! Make it count!”

That’s right, my friends. We will let any perceived threat to our populations serve to further galvanize us to fulfill our mission. I ask you, why would there be so many of us at this time, why would we have been given the tools & skills, the motivation & follow-through, if we weren’t all necessary for what is coming through on this planet? The humans may be the last fools to see it, but they’ll see it all right. It’s gonna take all of us, together, to pull this thing off. Together we rise. Coup! Coup! Coup!”

Coup! Cooooup! Cooooup!”

Coup! Cooooooooup!”

Cooooooooooup!”

The storm of Pigeon sounds lasted for a long glorious moment, filling the air and bobbing the heads. Karl puffed out his chest just a tiny bit as he strode back to his perch. It was good to be among friends.

 

-**

1. More than the usual bobbing, that is.
2. Colloquially called “Bird Brain” in human circles.
3. Realtalk: one of Karl’s relatives shown here.
4. So the story goes in Squabland: in the zoo cage that held her death, Martha had sent word to the monkeyhouse for a note to be written, a note that would be carried via Homer until the right time & place for its delivery. (The Rev. contended that it was his great, great, great, great grandmother who was that Homer. However, in many circles it was well-known that this Homer was Martha’s last lover. So talk amongst yourselves.) Of the humanfolk, only Livia knew this sacred story of Birdland. Because it was Livia who found the Homer. Or rather, it was Livia the Homer found. In any case, the note it carried, the note dictated by Martha from her deathnest, the note now referred to as the Great Note, said simply this: -**

 

Communiputor

As soon as she was privy to the blues of her winged friends, Livia set out to investigate. She dove into the inner sanctum of her large, many-layered wooden nest, toiling and tinkering within. Flashes of colored light and smoke occasionally burst out window or chimney, followed with a birdthroated sound of discovery and a continued hum of bustling quiet. This scene was a regular one in this particular patch of well-wooded Forest, up in the Northest of Borderlands. Most observers of said phenomena, however, did not boast human eyes. The thick perimeter of Birchwood winked at the close circle of Willows hugging the house, passing knowing glances about this most dear of inhabitants. She’s on to something. A breeze swayed softly in the Willows’ hair. Indeed. The sun glinted just so, from Birch to Birch. A few glides from each, where Pigeons roosted uneasily in an oddly-shaped grain tower, the air was fairly sparkled with the invisible messengers of tree-speak, and the silent mood was inexplicably calmed with each passing breath.

The colors and caws emanating from the cottage continued well into the yellowing of the day. Bit by bit, the only color to burst from the cloistered artist’s lab was blue. Blue, blue, blue.

Before sunset, Livia returned to the Tower, steeped in elysian temperament, with the messages that would assuage the flock-panic of The Blue Scare. News of the discovery was spread quickly through the Tower flockery, and messengers were sent wheeling Westward to deliver to the Rocky Mountain crew for immediate proliferation amongst the broader PLPL network. Because the Chicago meeting was soon upon them, the flock of Livia’s Tower voted unanimously to deliver the message in person to their Eastern affiliates in two days’ time. Beyond the two outposts, the weather would carry the rest.

They would meet after a day’s flight, and so they settled down to roost until the morning star sounded.

Most of them, that is.

Florence was still awake. She had not quite been able to synthesize the information about high protein content of base grains with what she already knew of Livia’s actual designs. She calmed herself with the reassuring knowledge that she knew more about the inner workings of Livia’s grand mission than nearly any other Pigeon. That meant she was rightly privy to more worry than most of the flock. Understandably so; her bird-sized nervous system successfully micro-processed information made to pass through much larger bodies. This is why she was able to act as messenger to the messengers. Even so, she fretted wildly in the dark quiet of night, wondering if the old lady was actually satisfied with her protein findings, or if there was more to know.

There was always more to know.

Florence found herself pacing outside Livia’s window in the pearly moonlight. Feeling her grey matter pulsing with even more lightning storms than usual, she practiced the practice, letting her wobbling circles move the thoughts expeditiously through the feeling-filter: lists of things to worry about, nonsensical pattern-recognition, unprocessed yet perfectly-filed synchronicities, film reel of the day’s visual input at 75 frames per second… there it was! She had come across a troubling bit of newspaper during that afternoon’s birddropping rounds. That’s right. The headlines that caught her peripheral vision[1] in a flapping glossy digest of madness, discovered at her usual park-pecking spot in town, they’d produced an emotive wave that matched this feeling of dread that had been churning her insides since sundown. Their content was frankly hideous. Horrendous. It didn’t make any sense. It must be faulty information. Flapping madly now herself, Florence toddled in agitated circles, lit up with the feeling that matched the thought that matched the feeling. There it was; she’d properly tracked it down, but now it was fluttering through her every nerve. She paced and flapped in circles, looking like a holographic cartoon of birdly befrazzlement whose signal was fritzing out every few seconds. The trees looked on, sighing compassion toward the creature, but it would be a moment before such subtleties reached through the heightened emotive scramble.

The old woman inside the cottage was taking her time with tinctures, carefully carrying a balance of jars and vials down into the cellar and coming back with handfuls of teeny paper scrolls which she placed one by one into a vast wall made of tiny labeled drawers. The drawers were tiny, that is, in terms of their square faces, but lengthy enough to be drawn out across the entire width of the room; each note had to be filed in exactly its right place.

Florence was quite familiar with this nightly ritual, and Livia moved with a studied efficiency. Even so, ole Flo found herself increasingly feather-ruffled by the slow tedium of it while anxiety was twiddling her nerves at every step. A breeze shifted just so, reminding her of a scent of her fledgling years. She took a deep inhale of it and then called up all her reserves to calm herself down. She connected to the slow-paced heartbeat of the All-Bird: O-gi-maa, O-gi-maa, O-gi-maa. Three long breaths later, however long that registered by the moon’s crawl across the sky, she finally felt calm enough to hold still. All was well. She recalled her place. The anxiety-producing thoughtfeeling was a human thing, and she was simply a Messenger. She would do her best by it, as with any message.

In that very moment, the old woman at last looked over, spotting her moonlit friend through the window with neither hurry nor surprise.

Livia opened the door and stepped into the threshold to receive Florence gracefully on her shoulder.

Yes, dear? I trust you have something to say at the end of this long day?”

Flo bobbed her head so vigorously she almost catapulted herself off the shoulder perch. Livia ignored the extreme cuteness factor in this gesture, walking swiftly to the communication station to hear what had worked her friend into such a tizzy.

The Communiputor, as it was fondly called by its frequenters, was a human-bird interface kept in the back office of Livia’s house. By human sight, it was a shape loosely based on a computer, but as if it were built by a 5 year old with freedom and crayon to properly cartoon what a computer should look like. Its screen took up the entire wall and it included small cupboards for manual input and output. It was enshrined in a thick green vine of some sort, growing plentifully down the edges onto the floor and up toward the windows. It indeed had a keyboard, but it was spilled out into a maze of squares on the surface of the table, lit up with the winking sparkle of a tetrachromatic spectrum. The letters were oddly ordered, and there were many more of them, with a variety of repeats and doubles, collated phonemes and dipthongs huddled close. They appeared to move as the birdbeak touched them, lining up for ease of availability as the path of letters chosen translated to a natural landing of words upon the screen. Notably, instead of landing in left-to-right linear fashion, the words arose seemingly at random as the shape of each sentence was found. Livia watched in measured attention, gathering her notepad, a multicolored hydra of a pen, and a handful of the heart-shaped leaves to chew upon.

Livia. I do not know what the trouble is, but I’ve tracked my inner thought-spin as you’ve taught us, and I believe there is something Extra Troubling about this blue matter. I don’t know why, but it has to do with a headline I saw earlier today. And so I must ask: are you entirely certain about your findings?”

The biped chewed thoughtfully on a leaf. “You are astute, my dear. I have passed on the information found today in my studies. It is a simple solution, tried and true, and it resonates with the research found many times over by long-time fanciers and bird-tenders. Too much protein can indeed cause a blueing of the skin. So yes, I did think it was complete. But, my well-attuned friend, as I’ve been tending to the Integration Station tonight, I found some stray ends. Of the protein spike, I am certain, but I have found more complex causes for concern.”

The beak pecked swiftly: “What? What concern?”

A small smile graced the thin craggy face. The trust and respect were mutual, and this dear bird came circling back in exactly the right time, every time. Livia took a slow breath and organized her findings. As she spoke, she stood and moved her hands on the screen, drawing up brightly colored images, each matching a different section of speech. The bird was simultaneously learning new information and cataloguing known information. The Communiputor functioned not only as a translation of bird thought into human formation, but vice versa. Communication was most efficient when both creatures simultaneously learned the language of the other. Livia learned this from the Birds early on in their work together, and they’d built a machinated science of it, tuned down to the most subtle of listening capacities between languages. [2]

Well,” Livia ran her fingers briefly over the soft silvery backfeathers of her small distinguished companion and then began to lay the story out. “The trouble with it being only caused by protein interactions is that it came on so suddenly. I’ve been feeding you this same base feed for years now, and we’ve not recently changed the vitamedicine supplement recipe. It is possible they’ve only recently changed their nutrition formulas to include such a protein spike, but it is more likely that that percentage gradually increased over months or years. So, if there is another contributing factor, it may include… something I don’t like at all.”

The bird nearly flipped over pecking out the single word, “WHAT?!”

Livia intentionally slowed and calmed her voice as she drew forth imagery on the screen. “I simply need to know where the extra spike might have come from. Is there any additional food source you folks have found? If you birds have been eating from a public store at all, it could mean big trouble.”

As you know, Pro-Life Pigeon League policy is that we avoid the big city feeders entirely, since we cannot rule out new poisons for which you’ve not yet given us the antidote. But, well,” Florence’s mind flashed with the recent saga of Wilhelm, and the film reel that was shuffling in her mind stopped with this card on deck: “Oh. We did get into an open trough in the southerly farmlands. It had been gone through by the chickens for the day, and we were quite hungry on a long homing flight.”

Livia met the single upturned eye. Quietly: “This is something you haven’t told me, dear. Was there anything else?”

Florence walked slowly over the letterpath. “You remember the one we lost.”

Wilhelm.” Livia’s eyes were sharp, though her body continued its calm hum.

That happened the same day. It hadn’t occurred to me when we gave you the report. Things were so scrambled, somehow I forgot to mention the food stop.” The wee creature loosed a shiver that shook through every last feather of her passeriform form. “Oh. Oh dear.”

The lady of the white headfluff spoke soothingly as she conjured shape and color on the wall. “Now, Florence. There is nothing amiss. We will track it through the dreamweave. It could be that Wilhelm had an allergic reaction to something in the food, yes. It could also be that the food itself was protein-laden enough to have caused the recent spike and subsequent blueing, and that Wilhelm’s death was elsewise caused. These things are not causal, however inextricably correllated. So we’ll take the shortest path: your intuition. Tell me, what was the exact thoughtform that had you all aflutter outside my window tonight?”

Florence’s nerves lurched and re-settled instantly upon being seen. Spotlit. Immediacy. Right. She had already tracked this one. She spelled it out: “The thoughtform and its corresponding anxiety sourced from the magazine article I happened to view earlier today.”

and suddenly it clicked.

Scrambling wildly across the rubbery letterspill, Flo spilled her guts like a freshly potty-trained toddler finally arriving at grandma’s house after two hours of are-we-there-yet-ing.

There is a human couple having their 24th baby! 24 babies! 24! That is insane! How will we ever survive on this planet? If every human made 24 more humans, can you imagine how quickly the ship would go down? They’re using the same tactic we are, trying to fertilize every single egg that passes!” [3] [4]

Oh. Oh, my. Oh, my my,” Livia shed an authentic tear. It channeled in between her South-Southwest crowsfeet and disappeared below the desert rose of her cheekbone. She recognized the exact tone that lit the room with the Pigeon’s dismay, and it matched precisely with the feeling in her belly that had landed upon learning about the mystery food. This is how the greater body signals itself. Subtle to track properly, indeed, but infinitely trustworthy once removed from its identification matrix. Livia was by then a seasoned tracker devoted to the complete trust necessary for Mastery. She chanced a hypothesis: “Florence, have any of the laying flock noticed anything out of place in the days since losing Wilhelm?”

The bird paced thoughtfully. “Everyone’s laying with the same reliable vigor. Nothing new to report.”

Of course. We wouldn’t know for another few weeks…”

Know what? What do you sense?”

Florence.” She leveled her tone and did her best to deliver only the message, no additives. “There are people who give the birds in their care a substance called a contraceptive. It renders all eggs laid sterile. I am concerned that there may have been something like this in the feed that you found that day.”

Even in the total immersion of Equanimity and Compassion with which Livia filled the room, the Pigeon nearly lost her wits and lunch all at once. She flapped like a Goose taking flight, cursed like a pack of Crows, careened all over the keyboard pumping out a stream of technogibberish, shitting on more than one dipthong.

Livia stood still, observing carefully and feeling with her friend.

Slowly, surely, the cacophany capable of being produced by a creature feeling drastically thwarted in carefully-laid plans did subside, step by step and flap by flap. Unphased, Livia chewed on another leaf, letting Florence regain her orientation and will to speak.

Speak she did. Nobly, with great reserve: “That is a dastardly, fiendish practice, surprising even for the sleepwalking mumblers that populate the human race.”

Livia nodded, unoffendable.

Florence continued: “And you mean to tell me that those responsible for non-consensually contracepting other species are meanwhile in cahoots with those who are hellbent on saddling the planet with 1200% MORE of their own species? Unthinkable. Maniacal. Preposterous.”

Bonkers. But then, of course, those people don’t know they’re in cahoots, necessarily.”

Florence marched resolutely over the squares, “That is no better. In fact it’s worse. That means it’s an even less accessible reaction formation playing out in the collective body of humanity. If they were at least AWARE of their deranged plot, we could have some traction.”

Livia hawk-eyed her friend, not unkindly, but unwilling to look away. “Something is aware of it. We are not trifling with passing storms of individual awareness. We are tracking the messages through those storms, looking for the actual Heart of the Matter.” She watched her bird friend regain a measure of composure, an internal geo-locating to who what where and why she was in that moment. Orienting. Wonderful. Necessary. Self-aware. Livia continued, “As such, we notice the reaction formation as it occurs in our own consciousness, the only access portal we have to the Whole, and then we choose a non-complimentary response such that the message is routed cleanly to Center.”

The bird flapped out a shake that was the birdly equivalent of a cold shower. A nod to the elder. Presencing the potency of the information. Choosing its pathway.

So then, if we are to make no enemies, especially when a lavish invitation to enmity is laid at our doorstep, we will need to get creative about our actions going forward.”

That was more like it. Florence’s head cleared yet another collection of cloudmatter, and she asked, “Yes, please. What is to be done?”

Boundaries first. Make sure our own aims are undamaged. I will work on the antidote at once, distribute as soon as I know it is safe. Meanwhile, please monitor the laying birds and keep note of which eggs have been laid in the interim. We can track the efficacy this way, and we’ll know upon hatching time whether the food was dosed or not.”

Florence had her problem-solving hat back on, which she much preferred to her collective unconscious psychodrama processing hat. She asked with composure, “So as soon as we get the antidote, we’ll keep it in the diet indefinitely, yes?”

I’ll ensure that it has no harmful side-effects, dearie. Yes, we will add it to the vitamedicine blend and you will never have to worry about such things again.”

The bird nodded sagely. “Good then.”

The ladies looked at one another for a moment, allowing the sparkling dreamdust to settle. The room seemed to breathe with them. The task at hand was made clear. Florence spoke first, “So then, the new information requires a sturdy threading of Compassion to be laced into the weave, does it not?”

Indeed. Livia drew onto the screen a birdlanguage expression of emphatic assent, all UV light and moving shapes. [5]

The bird paced a bit and found the words. “So the question is, what would possess a creature to act out the very problem they are simultaneously trying to fix in others?”

Even after all the years, Livia found herself sometimes surprised by the avian creature’s aptitude for utilizing the human languages’ singular best function: Naming. She sighed her appreciation. “Yes, that is the question, dear friend.”

The bird toddled thoughtfully over the lighted letters. “Well, it’s a branch of the same sourcecode we’ve identified already. The way the Shadow moves: projection and reflection. But the unwellness in the body of Humanity can turn that perfectly useful tool into a game of dodgeball.” Flo was getting her edge back, and with it her sense of humor. “How sad. Pitiful, really. Bowling would be classier, at least.”

You are wise, Flo. Learned. Astute. Perceptive. Sadly, this hypocrisy you have discovered is just one of many. In their fear of demise, humans build panic rooms for themselves. And yet those very actions render them ever further from the safety they seek. And then further panic-numbed actions are deemed necessary. And the walls keep closing in.”

The bird felt a rush of adoration for the Benefactress in her empathic clarity, but this was no time for affectionate display. She was a colleague, not a pet. Chin up, then. Stay focused on the thread. Flo channeled her emotive rush into the threadweave, bobbing her head furiously to respond, “But.. they built the panic room for EVERYONE, not just themselves! What are we supposed to do when their walls close in on US?”

Livia stared at the screen long and hard, with the concentration of a squeaker in its first year of alphabet recognition. Finally, she wrote:

We do not always know what we do. Many people have given up on the world and are just getting by. That’s why we need messages. And messengers.”

The orange eye met the lavender one and there exchanged such a strength of motionless communication as to nearly lift the little one into the air without a flap. With a delicate feather-fluff, something like the refined fart of a librarian, Flo regained her ground and returned to the keyboard.

So tell me: what distinguishes messages from distractions? What happens if people only pay attention to what they WANT to see, only hear what they WANT to hear?”

Livia took a breath. “Well, we must remember the Body of Earth is itself truly Whole. It is doing what we call ‘healing,’ as we simply track the frayed threads repairing themselves into the weave. You know, of course, there’s something known as a critical mass. And so we keep on doing our work, practicing the practice. Flooding the undercurrents. Knowing it takes time to show up on the surface.”

Yes. So how, might we ask, does this one show up? And when? What shall we be looking for?” Florence was fielding a veritable birdstorm of internal processing as she continued the discourse, knowing that the information was being actively flown to the very center of her connection to the All-Bird. Worthy science, to continue the theatre of conversation. Worthy art, to play her part. Exhausting and exilhirating at once. A quick flight around the world and back.

Well, any mission takes time and perseverance. But it also takes flexibility, adaptability. And this mission must be responsive to the world it takes place inside.” Livia was answering the underlying question, as the current had not volunteered specific answers to the creature’s inquiries. Still, it tuned the listening ear for the upcoming latenight labwork. She continued broadening her view of the field: “So we keep going, and we listen for response, we listen for reaction, we listen for repulsion. And we listen without attachment, without resistance. And then we drop more messages. This is the way the Air has taught me to communicate in the world of form,” she paused, wondering whether more words were required in the space of translation. No matter. “This is the way you Birds have taught me.”

Florence let her neck grow tall, considering all the human words and letting their meaning be held in the psychic space she shared with her Benefactress. They could cease talking this moment and all would be made clear between them. But then, their consented ethos asked them to learn and utilize one another’s languages, for the benefit of the fabric of consciousness. [6]

Lucky for Flo, she was one to keep the code. She kept quiet, letting language mix its ingredients. By the end of the storytelling, she would have a cauldron of understanding when she flew off to her familiars, still marinating the full hearty recognition of what this story meant for Squabland.

Livia shook her head slowly. “Humans have been in a dress-rehearsal for their own doom for thousands of years. Ever since…” Her eyes took in the smoke of a faraway fire, and she was silent. For many breaths.

The beak pecked gently at the keyboard. “Ever since what?”

Livia blinked back to the present. For a moment, she met the flare of an old speciesist debate about whether it was necessary to instruct a Pigeon in the history of conquest, confusion, and consent in the countries borne of the New Roman Empire. She took immediate note of the shadow function, shaking off the habit of separation, delving into the storytelling that clearly something somewhere wished would not be told.

So, here’s the story: read what you will from it. There were once upon a time several widespread plagues in the world which devastated humankind: diseases that wiped out such a massive chunk of the population that you’d think we were going the way of the Passenger.”

Flo ruffled for a moment at the mention of her ancestry, letting the grief cough its electric current through her feathers. Livia watched the plumage settle before she went on.

Germs, like spices, fabrics, and precious metals, traveled the trade routes with explorers and colonizers alike. The systems of government in Europe were feudal at the time, instating the Rule of Law through use of a heavy-tiered hierarchy with all the money, the churches, and the armed forces stacked at the top. Violent, ruthless invasions were commonplace. Kingdoms were continuously fighting for power over more people, lands, animals, and ideas. That last one will come into play in a minute here,” she glanced at Florence’s little face, briefly wondering what was going on inside the bird brain. Flo dismissed her silent inquiry with a regal nod, as if pardoning the lecture’s lack of bird-like efficiency. Livia checked herself, recognizing that whenever she found herself speaking a lot of words, it was something she needed to hear every bit as much as it was something she needed to say.

So, in the face of the plagues, humans panicked. They scrambled. They cast about looking for anything they could pray for: answers, scapegoats, deliverance. Even their commanding top-down organization of power was impotent in the face of Nature; constant talk of the End Times pulled everything taut, thickening the tangle, entrancing the leaders. In a lot of places, the plague cut the population in half in a matter of decades.” Livia saw her bird friend shudder. Too close for comfort. The poor dear would have to fly for hours to get this all digested.

Slowly, as people tried to make sense of the matter, they found some Very Good Reasons they could really sink their teeth into. In the aftermath of the worst population drop in recorded history, the manufacturers of the collusion between Church and State made a series of decrees which were supposed to re-populate the continent called Europa. One came from an ever-fashionable anti-Semitic bent that raged in colonized culture many times over, causing the persecution and deaths of millions upon millions of ‘Those People.’ Funny, for a society obsessed with curbing rampant de-population, that it seemed appropriate to kill whole factions of the population ‘Over There,’ simply on account of its Jewish faith, or Muslim faith, or Indigenous faiths of so very many ilks. These have been common mis-judgments in humankind: that there is something different about ‘Over There,’ and that killing the carriers of an idea will actually kill the idea.” Flo caught a sharp eye once more, one that stirred someplace deep and devoted. Livia went on:

Another of the decrees, spat out by the slyly-named[7] Pope Innocent the Eighth, specifically ordered for the accusation and punishment of midwives for their knowledge and implementation of contraceptive methods. Worth noting: in the decree, they were not called ‘midwives,’ but ‘witches.’ And thus began a church-sanctioned, state-sponsored witch-hunt that justified the torture and murder of millions of people. Most of these people were herbal medicinalists who carried the knowledge of contraception and practiced women’s medicine. Some of these people were merely caught up with the ‘wrong’ crowds, those who openly enjoyed pleasures of the flesh, those who refused to conform, those who spoke without fear. Thus natural methods of contraception and family planning went by the wayside, not only because of the deaths of practitioners, but because of the superstitions planted in the culture, enforced by the Rule of Law. The ‘re-population’ decrees were simply a few examples of the extensive measures our kind has employed in order to avert fear of Extinction. The result, ironically, was a population bulge that made possible ambitious wars of conquest and expansion of empire. So,” Livia paused to release a breath big enough to feed a whole field of rue. “As you see, in the process of flailing to save ourselves, we humans destroy ourselves. In an attempt to have control, we kill of parts of ourselves and extinguish our connection with thousands of years’ worth of experience and collaboration in the divine practice of communicating with Nature. All for what? To get back to where the trouble started. Here we are, still: human idea-machines, trying madly to control Nature and avoid Apocalypse.”

Flo looked mesmerized. Human storytelling was syllabically dense and texturally mindboggling. The way the bird community told stories was much more compressed, much more rhythmic. She was used to the multi-layered meaning delivered in the tone of a single tweet [8]. Word-processing at lightning speeds inside, the bird toddled back and forth on her legs, wondering what letters to peck at. Luckily, Livia continued, saving her the trouble.

So. You are correct in your estimation of my species. We have much to learn, and we have spent many generations severing the threads by which we can learn it.”

Flo took her time. She seemed to be pecking up a tough bit of grain, so focused and determined was her demeanor. Finally the screen showed her question, “What in the world are they dosing us with, then? How did contraceptives manage to get into the birdfeed?”

Livia stared at the words for a moment with a small smile. Oh yes, the matter at hand. “Well, my dear, we did manage to maintain contraceptive practices, despite the ongoing demonization. Birth control has been practiced the world over for as long as written records can reach. IUDs were fashioned first for camels & goats on long journeys. But humans are rather creative, so the list goes on. Diaphrams made from lemon halves or goat’s bladder, or cabbage and willow leaves, suppositories made from cocoa butter and quinine sulfate, acacia tree extract with honey, oil of cedar and lead ointment, frankincense and olive oil, peppermint oil and soft wool; physical endeavors like sneezing or holding the breath during ejaculation, coitus interruptus—”

Coitus interruptus?” Flo interrupted. Cheeky bird.

Yes, dear, thank you. Also post-coital herbal remedies of ginger, vitamin C, pennyroyal, blue cohosh, angelica, rue, and of course modern-day diaphragms, sponges, spermacides, condoms, and the quite popular pharmaceutical options like the Pill, the Patch, the Ring[9].”

Flo was standing stock still, aiming the laser beam of an orange eye at the white-feathered crone. Livia cut to the chase.

So, you must wonder how this can be. How we have so many options for reducing our own population while it continues to swell to a never-before-seen magnitude. How we stoop to the great hypocrisy of trying to control populations of other species, without consent, while taking up more space than is our right. How we feel we should have any say whatsoever against the proliferation of another’s kind.”

Flo bobbed her head. Yes, Livia. The point. Let’s have it.

Well. It’s simple, really. Our cultural structures have not yet outgrown the residual paranoia of the past. Colonization and its traumas have kept many people thinking we should try to control others. And so we haven’t finished re-writing the rules of the present to reflect a comprehension and respect for the divinity of individual consent of all beings in the inseparable wholeness of collective consciousness.”

Simple.

Really.

At that, the storyweave reached its maximum threadcount for the moment. Both human and bird recognized it immediately. Florence took two hops toward the window, which flung itself open in that moment. Livia nodded and threw the colorshapesounds of resounding gratitude upon the wall as her friend took off into the night.

Well. That was it, then. There was much work to tend. The Communiputor politely offered a warm mug of rooty tea, unconcealed from the cupboard closest to Livia. She smiled at the scent of it, accepted with a squeeze of appreciation upon the hanging vine, and made her way back into the lab for a good night of learning.

 

1. Useful perspective upgrade: “Pigeon FOV is around 340-degrees horizontal and about the same 135-vertical degrees as humans, but their vertical field is even more asymmetrically oriented toward the ground.” For further reading, here’s a door.

2. This was all Art, a theatrical spectacle for the frontal lobe, of course; the accuracy of instantaneous comprehension known in english as “ESP” was their primary mode of communication. However, in compassion to the eukaryote bodily code upgrades, and therefore as an offering to the temple of the flesh, they slowed it down like this so as to be more readily metabolized by others. Pay it forward, like. Encode it into the Stone, keep it safe for Later.

3. Quiverfull. In case you’re not in the know: it’s rather Quivery.

 4. Meanwhile, in Birdland… there be tides to turn.

5. It’s respectful to sometimes bow to another’s superior language formations. “The Inuit have a word for it…” and suchlike.

 6. A quickview of the lightning storm of immediacy grokking in the mind of the Pigeon known as Flo: The english language is so cumbersome and unnecessary, and yet, once developing a basic facility with it, one can truly appreciate its simple precision and artistry. Storytelling has its place. There is kindness beneath the business of words, however saddled with with a strange type of seeking that the rest of the animal world finds curious and slightly overbearing. What are you seeking?  we would like to ask. It’s already right there. Always. Everywhere. You can’t actually escape what you are seeking. Stop seeking, and there you have it. But the aeons-deep code of conduct between us (even though the humans have generally been trashing such codes for centuries) keeps the rest of animalia from stating the obvious. Let them find their way.

7. I’d say Obvious Troll is obvious.

8. Ah, the learning curve of How To Properly Tweet. So steep. Keep working on it, bipeds. Protip: never tweet in all caps. Such a thing is no longer a tweet but a squawk, and it ought to be moved to a Squawker app, for organizational purposes at the very least.

9. Not to mention the Lord, the Fellowship.

The Blue Scare

So: the pigeons were turning blue. Bit by bit, under the feathers, their dandruff came in sky blue, cerulean, and light turquoise. It was cause for concern among the leaders.

What is the meaning of this?” asked Barb, a Barb Pigeon nervously bobble-heading back and forth on the shit-splattered wooden slab holding up the multicolored ceiling beams of Livia’s tower. [1]

We’re done for,” squawked Harvey, an excitable red-crested Helmet. “They’ve poisoned us. We’re finally succumbing to this hateful country’s Winged Rat Ostracization Network of Greed!” [2]

You made that up. Harvey. Get a handle, man. Jesus. Paranoia strikes deep.” Karl was perched up against the little nook where rafter meets ceiling, his head turned fully sideways so he could give Harvey the square dead-eye of unflappable derision. A sturdy racing Homer from Detroit and usually a rather light-hearted dude, Karl was clearly suffering from the bluing as much as the others; he just had more pride than to get all twitterpated in front of the flock.

Maybe we’re spending too much time with the Chicago crowd, and we’re being adapted into more appropriate inner-city accessories. Chicago does have that effect on people, making the players props to its own story rather than the other way around.” Florence, as usual, spoke smoothly enough to get the attention of the whole wobbling, bobbling bunch. “But Harvey does have a point, you know. And it’s mission-specific… It may be an alarm signal asking our immediate attention.”

They turned to her, horror-movie slow, and stood stock still waiting for more information. Dramatic silence witnessed the ticking of an absent clock, the creaking of the wind through the flaking wood slats, a few scaly legs lifted in anticipation. Heads turned and cocked to the side. A lone drop of poo sounded its release to the ground.

Florence flapped twice to alight, settling gracefully on a leaning shovel handle in the middle of the dusty tower.

A bit about Flo: she was a notoriously favored and learned Homer; her parents were first generation Dragoon and English Carrier, so she prided herself in not only speed & accuracy, but culture & storykeeping. Being one of the more socially courageous hens in Greater Passeriform Squabland, she tended to catch newspaper articles with regularity as she ate from the hand of a favorite park-going lunatic. She headed up the Global Open-source Book-free Birdland Library such that the ancient story of Bird was well woven with the modern weft of Messenger, in the name of evolution [3]. She also, most importantly, had on-call, first-hand access to one Livia Columbia. Now, in the dim wooden turret, taking her time, looking from orange button eye to orange button eye, she continued as a kindergarten teacher addresses a captive audience of crosslegged reverence:

You see, the humans have indeed been busy ‘fixing’ their problems lately. Instead of tracing the issues to where the real problems lie, they’ve been letting their distracted complaints and trembling rumfingers drive the whole damn train. As a result, they are spraying toxins in perfectly lovely meadows in efforts to kill any potential psychotropic plant forms; they are pouring curdled radioactive leftovers into nice, clean lakewater; they are growing corn that tastes like vanilla and bubblegum and swiss cheese.”

Captivating as it was, Karl needed her to get to the point. “You’re right. We know. But what’s it got to do with all this blue business?”

Flo swept her wings wide, raising her coo to a shrill pitch. “You remember the Great Vermin Poison of the last decade? Well, they seem to have upgraded the formula, and there’s a new poison spreading through normal grains undetected!”

There was a general outburst. Squawks and fluff filled the air. How was this possible? Who spiked the food supply? What does it look like? Wait, Livia wouldn’t let that happen! How did she not forsee this? Maybe she got in some kind of trouble. Maybe someone blackmailed her. Who let the cat out of the bag? Cat?!!?!

Questions like this don’t help forge understanding, but they must be expelled in some way before honest investigation can begin. In birdland, it often takes the form of a swoop through the sky, a figure-eight of birdbrain out-winging the thinking mind. [4] But they were inside, so it moved rather more like the rabble through a roused human crowd.

Expulsion was wise. Investigation was indeed necessary. Florence was so good at assuming authority, in times of stress it was common to forget that she might be mistaken. As many humanfolk know, blindly-followed leaders are most susceptible to delivering societies to the brink of insanity.

For the most part, the uppity English hen was right. The humans were doing a lot of unwise things. They had done all those things she named and much, much more. There was indeed a history of humans poisoning the gentle species with 4-aminopyridine, DRC-1339, booze-soaked grains, and much, much more [5]. There was indeed some foul play at fault in Wilhelm’s mysterious death. However, monocular vision was blinding the brood to one important fact: there was no bad guy spreading the Blue Plague.

Protein. The humans were obsessed with Protein. So much so, they had genetically modified normal grains to contain large doses of it. And, strangely enough, too much protein makes the pigeon go blue.

Florence, know-it-all as she was, did not know this at all.

So, the bird tower of Livia S. Colombia’s homestead was lit up with the roused rabble of some three hundred pissed-off, paranoid, panicky pigeons.

Not a good way to start the day. The old lady would surely earn her stripes for this one. A few in the bank for next season, perhaps. A little vacation in Fiji. A new cable-knit sweater from the sisters with the Alpaca herd up North. An extra few bottles of pinking for her handsome white shock of head-fluff.

As usual when the sun peeked over the first silvered treelimbs, Livia opened the heavy door to the tower, bucket of feed in one hand, bucket of water in the other. [6]

 

cheekee cheekee chip chip chip coo coo coooooo coo coooooup

 

Despite their obviously rankled state, many of the birds instinctively flew down to the grandmotherly form as she distributed the day’s rations in the wide troughs. When Livia stooped to freshen the water in their poop-frosted tins, only then did the winged population hear Florence’s hissed commands.

Don’t eat the food, fools! What were we just talking about? Even Livia’s food can’t be trusted until we know more! You are going to be bluebirds by sundown, and is that what you want?!

Slowly, surely, one by one, the squabbish little eyes blinked and the beaks raised up from the possibility of contamination. Feathers ruffled self-consciously, making an awkward little picture around the woman’s crouched form: staring birds, every third one or so fluffed up like the tiny grey pom-pom of a zombie punk cheer squad.

Livia, an instrument quite intricately tuned to the subtle notes of birdland, had picked up on the strange energetic charge in the flock before she’d even poured the contents of her coffee can. Her fierce love of the bird family was predicated upon great mutual respect, so she was quite aware when it was flagging.

She now took ample time finishing her task with the water, wiping her small knotty hands on her overalls, and standing her fully erect perch height of 4’11 [7]. She silently looked from eye to eye through the bird squadrons. When her lavender-silver eyes came to rest on the knotted beak of Florence herself, Livia raised an eyebrow, took a deep breath to the soles of her talonless feet, and bellowed out: “Allright, WHAT?!

 

**

1. Affectionately referred to as the Coup Coop. Among the locals. Local Pigeons, that is.
2. WRONG.
3. More on GPS and GOBBL when we get to the downlow on the PLPL and the AEAE. Topsecret bird shit. Wait for it.
4. Reptilian brain: efficient.
5. If you’ve not looked into it recently… Terrible. Terrible. And: notably terrible. (That last one may be only joke-terrible. Art. Who can really tell these days?)
6. Before enlightenment: toss grains, carry water.
7. …which, worth noting, is about ten times the average height in the avian community .

Optical Windowperch

Common knowledge for birds: good news and bad news are of equal value. The messages of each are equivalent in veracity, bioavailability, lunacy. They weigh the same [1]. They take the same amount of time to deliver. They drop at the same rate.

And yet, the patterns of their reception seem utterly disparate. One often lands in unmasked wonder, unintentional laughter, a firm grasp of allegiance, a swoop of purposed action. The other tends to be suspiciously fingered and warily hidden, scattered about in a flighty flail, leashed to some kind of blame, gulped like some kind of poison.

What birds know: the distinction between medicine and poison is much more about dosage and application, much less about substance. Chemicals are chemicals. Cyanide sitting around being cyanide is not inherently poisonous. The act of ingesting it, whether by mouth or skin, that act can bring out its poisonous nature. But then poison is a verb, not a noun. Like most things, actually. Birds know this. Everything in Nature is actually a verb.[2]

With this understanding, colors themselves can be experienced as… experiences. One thing may be “blue” to those whose vision processes the experience of “blue.” But to those without receptors for “blue,” the experience of the very same thing will occur as a variant of something called “grey.” This may be of no consequence to the blue, the eye, or the grey… unless the experience of “blue” is meant to deliver a particular message.

As long as we’re interested in message reception, it’s worth inquiring: does the mind of the receiver have any control over what is perceived, “blue” or “grey” or anything else?

In human cultures, most often if the message is considered “good news,” then the mind’s eye would strive to experience “blue,” even if it did not have the wiring for it. It might even pretend to see blue, committing to a lifelong identity of One Who Sees Blue, come hell or high water. If the message of blue is considered “bad news,” however, the same eye-mind would most often strive to keep “grey” in its awareness, no matter how many descriptions of “blue” it might receive. [3]

This is a good recipe for skewed perception, perception bound & defined by the storytelling of unconscious loyalties. Such loyalties are rife with unprocessed attachments. Attachments are susceptible to surreptitious reproduction of Shadows. None of this a good recipe for proper, stable, unfettered telecommunications, much less a psychosomatic inter-species dialectic regarding the viability of Earthen existence.

Pause. Blink a few times. Wash the soul-windows. There ya go. Now, clear:

It’s not “good” to experience “blue” and it’s not “bad” to experience “grey.” Nor vice versa, nor any combination thereof [4]. It is, however, necessary to engage with an experience once it’s brought to the central nervous system. Birds know this, instinctively. All birds. And, sometimes, we need one another to help tighten up the neural circuitry. All of us.

This is why the Owl’s message got through.

And this is how:

Since the inception of the Pro-Life Pigeon League’s Advanced Evolutionary Applied Epigenetics initiative (PLPL AEAE, in birdly short-hand), liaison birds had been meeting with leaders of other flocks, gathering intel from other species among their avian kin. This particular meeting with this particular liaison brought some new shit to light. Light of the basic visual spectrum, that is.

You’re blue.”

What? Excuse me?” Florence was caught off-guard, unsure if they were about to drop into existential self-reflection or emotional navigation. The former, turns out. [5]

“You’re blue! Blue, blue, blue! You’re snowing blue dandruff all over my good bark floor right now!”

Cue instinctive puffing of feathers, if not in somatic reaction to the winter weather reference, then surely in response to the cold sting of being called out. Spotlit ignorance. Unsettling. Unnerving. Ugly. Cue more blue snow. Knowledge that could not be un-known.

Ishmael was not the usual liaison from the local Crow flock; however, since Crows reserve the right to do exactly as they please, there was no “usual liaison” per se. There was “today’s liaison” and sometimes “today’s several liaisons” but the Crow family was uninterested in being predictable. Ishmael, notably, was an albino, and so rather easy to pick out from the rest.

Look, I was given explicit instructions to tell you straight-up. We’d been cawing about it for weeks, but the Owl interrupted our good time and gave us a direct imperative to inform you. Said you didn’t know, couldn’t see yourselves clearly what with all the fancy advancements y’all are tinkering with.”

Florence couldn’t keep track of which part to ruffle at first, so she twitched oddly and kept her manner calm. “I’m not sure I understand your meaning, Ishmael. Forgive me. You spoke with the Owl?”

Owl specifically came to us, probably because we were being loud about it.” Ishmael was doing a syncopated strut-peck as he spoke, giving an air of nonchalance to the message, counter-balancing Florence’s obvious concern. “So she sent me to tell you. Specifically. Undercover like.”

While this was an impromptu meeting, several days sooner than their usual bec-à-bec with the Crow folks, Florence had not understood it to be an emergency. Nor undercover. She looked around at the perch, stationed on a high broad arm of a generous Oak. There was little autumn foliage left, and they could see 360◦ around them. Several animals were busy in the surrounding Birches & Pines. Many birds wheeled past as they spoke. Florence couldn’t help but squawk, “But… but.. beg your pardon, you’re white as snow! How exactly are we undercover?”

Yeah. That’s your situation. Get it? You’re blue, and flaky, and it’s obvious to others but you can’t see it yourself. That’s how the thing is. And that’s why they sent me. Theatre.

Although Florence was many years devoted to the practice of Honoring the Message, she was also structured with a deeply-ingrained pride which added static to what seemed a very simple bit of information from a trustworthy source. Rather than just looking down at herself, examining the veracity, she tried to apply logic to the conversation. “Why, may I ask, did Owl not bring word to us herself? We have long expressed interest in respectful relations, and we would be honored to receive insight from her venerable perspective.”

Ishmael cackled like a grackle, then sped up the strut-peck dance one notch, for fun. “Oh it’d be venerable insight from the Owl, would it? But it’s suspicious nonsense from ole whitey, yeah? You forgetting your messenger birdcodes, Floseph? Honor the message. Don’t diss the messenger.”

Notably knocked back down a peg, Florence shook her head a good few times and toddled around on the perch a bit to reharmonize with her winged brethren. “My apologies, Ishmael. My mistake, of course.”

Ishmael cawed several times into the air. Then he set his fluorescent red eye upon her. “Save your politesse, Flo. I’m not the Owl’s brand ambassador.” He cackled again and strutted on. “I will tell you why though, if you wanna know: Owls don’t fraternize. Certainly not with day-birds. Crows can get into any club. Always been like that.”

Ah. Of course.” Florence kept pace with the strut-peck, up and down the branch. She was beginning to feel the actual implications of the message, and they felt like a deep concern for all of Squabland. “So, if I properly receive the message: you’re telling me that we, all of us, are actually turning… well… blue?”

BLUE.”

And you think we can’t see this ourselves because…”

Look, we Crows are in the Know with all the things. We hear your lofty goal-swoops and we grok your evolutionary glory gospel and we see your high-tech UV lightshow upgrades [6]. We also see, under all that, your actual birdskin is turning shades of blue. And the Owl, in her kindness, made us tell you. So here I am.”

Right. And I understand they sent you, specifically, because…”

Because I’m obvious. Sometimes you gotta state the obvious. Everything else can be all couched in saturated metaphor, so far in that the whole thing becomes a sponge & you gotta put it out to sea [7]. Not everyone wants to do that much work all the time to wring out meaning.”

You underestimate the Rockdove work ethic!”

No, I properly estimate the processing speed of your grey matter, compound that with my somatic sense of the molecular field which is very slowly exchanging between us, contrast that to the amount of time I feel like waiting around for the lightbulbs to flicker on, and I make my choices.” A lightbulb flickered erratically in the Homer. “Exactly. So they sent me, to deliver the hidden message in its most memorably obvious costume. You’re welcome.”

Florence blinked. Then she finally, awkwardly, humbly, bent her beak under one wing and tousled out some feathers so she could see the evidence. And there it was. Her skin, indeed, was rather lazuline.

Ice-blue stars twinkling on a silent, frosted night, made of your very flesh and yet made even more brilliant to me by the crisp inky void of your ignorance. It’s right there in plain sight, Flomie. You’re blue.”

Thank you, Ishmael. I see.”

Yeah. Now you do.”

 

-**

1. Well, as far as Gravity is concerned. Remember there are always variables.
2. Proper homage to teachers & elders. Feel free to put this book down, read this one, then return.
3. Now, this can get real complicated when there is an back-alley deal in which only bad news is deemed Correct, therefore earning value as meta-good news while retaining its outward status as terrible, shitty, awfully bad news. See also: unexamined pessimism, smug cynicism, luxurious complaining, diehard apokalyptos, and the oh-so-popular Fuck Everything t-shirt.
4. In fact, “Toasted Periwinkle Fog” is making a comeback in this season’s catalogs!
5. With a fair smattering of the latter.
6. F’real.
7. …after which the sea sponge can be harvested & used for a natural, bleach-free tampon, where it will learn a lot. Some metaphors go feral once released. Do take note in your quest for meaning; it is found within.

Gunpowder

Explosion.”

The room was chaotic with the sound of indignant pigeons.

What, you mean we blow up if we fart close to an open flame?” Boopsie shat as he spoke, in order to keep a semblance of calm. The pigeons underneath him moved without pause. All eyes were still on the kid from Jersey.

Worse.”

Squawking. Flapping. “What else? High atmospheric pressures? Lightning? Static electricity?”

All possible.”

A small dust cloud formed where compulsive little feet scratched at the ground. Aleister shouted over the rest, “So that’s it, it just goes off internally without warning?”

We’re not sure yet.”

Why, that would be like… like…” Jericho could not say it.

Birdshot.”

It was one of the worst words in avian language, and the kid had said it. Second only to “birdstrike,” and just before “towerkill.” And the kid had said it.

Feathers fluffed. Silence filled every breast in the room. Every breast, that is, save one.

WHAT??!” squawked the Reverend Fledgling Flop. “How is this possible?!” The Rev’s head made a compulsive triple-shake every few steps as he began to pace the floor, his down shedding in spurts of wild gesticulation. “It’s not possible, that’s how. What good are gizzards if not to remove such poisons? How could this be? How could the Great Winged Lorde [1] let this happen? It wouldn’t. It couldn’t! And… how do we know you’re really with our flocks in Jersey? Propaganda of the non-believers, that’s what this is.”

The youth was shiny-eyed, sincere, urgent. “Your esteemed plumage, sir. I ask your forgiveness but also your caution. Urban-dwelling flocks throughout the eastern seaboard are dealing with much disruption. We’ve seen this with pit-bulls, your plumage. It’s been done before. Humans are capable of such innovative madness. And worse. Remember the–”

Don’t peck at old wounds! Don’t bring up the bags!”

Your grand plumage, sir, I wouldn’t dare…”

Don’t explode the horrible pictoral memory & geotemporal reckoning through the electrical units that spread from our minute grey matter! Do not flash slides of 4,000 bagged brethren dragged unceremoniously through the subconscious. Do not broadcast that bloodbath across the silent background radiation. On top of everything we’re dealing with here, that’s the last thing we need. On my wings ever skyward, son, I swear. If Martha herself–”

Your plumage! Sir, stop it! Stop! Just stop!”

Silence, squab!” [2]

A mild gasp of atmosphere followed the room’s collective ruffle. The Rev swooped it up. He had to. Everyone was watching.

I’m sure your rash tone arises from the very clear emotional distress you are in, carrying this disturbing message of dubious veracity. Perhaps we should adjourn for a period of communal roosting, get our wits about us again?”

It was very generous of the ole RFF, and very tactical. He knew the loyalty that a generous nature could generate. Livia came to mind, and his breast feathers gave rise. Florence caught his eye and they settled back down.

The young Jersey bird gave his wings a flap and spoke. Or rather, he stammered:

I apologize, your esteemed plumage. I… You have to know. I was only sent to bring the message. I’m not allowed to edit. Homer’s Honor. I will repeat this information, as it is my sovereign duty. Then I am open to your suggestion of adjournment. But I… I must say it again, for there is a risk of getting lost in…” the bird’s eyes darted back and forth from the Rev to the rest of the room. He need not point out the obvious. “…translation. This is the message, again, without interpretation nor interruption. If you please, your plumage?”

The Reverend, weary and agitated, settled under Flo’s severe silence. He knew when it was time to back off. He gave the kid a nod. The youth repeated, from the top:

We have confirmed a high percentage of charcoal present in all pigeon food, from public supply chains to organized racing specialty blends. In addition to the drastically increased protein and sulfur levels, this new discovery spells potential disaster. Our sources in the Jersey Hill dovecotes have confirmed that the amount of charcoal & sulfur ingested daily, per bird, combined with the naturally occurring levels of potassium nitrate, means…”

He felt the pressure of the atmosphere squeeze his feathers flatly upon his meat. This is where the room blew up last time. The irony was humorless. He looked at the RFF. Humorless. Florence. Humorless. Karl. A twinkle. He took a deep breath. It had to be said.

It… It means that our bodies are producing something like processed gunpowder, and… under certain conditions… are at risk of… explosion.”

 

-**

1. Short for the Great Radiant Olde Winged Lorde, GROWL, that’s right. Not all birds use the same name for the All-Bird. Like many a magic mirror, it tends to reflect the constitution of its conjurer.
2. Worth noting here: Pigeons have been reclaiming several of their epithets over time. So “Squab” is common slang amongst Pigeonfolk, and they use it liberally in closed circles. But it still bears something of its origins and so when used in certain ways, it can be found deeply disrespectful and insulting. Feather-ruffling. [3]
3. If you are in need of further research into respectful language choices, there’s this.

No Bird Left Behind

Wilhelm! Take the rear!”

Mmph-a mmb-aph a-bmmmph.”

What!? WILHELM. Take. The. Rear.”

The front bird was obviously struggling, double-flapping for every single wing flap of the bunch, but he held tight to his position.

Mmb-AMPH mmph-a m-bumph APHMB!”

It was very rare that any Pigeon in a squadron would take the energy to squawk about anything at all when they were up that high. Conversation was completely uncalled for, even notably dangerous, when careening through the open sky at 60 mph. The only sounds they made were the steady crew-team rush of current through their plumed air oars, the occasional involuntary coos and squeaks of natural exertion, and that ever-so-rare call to a wayward flyer who didn’t catch the silent signal to change formation. The latter was in play here with dear Hank and poor Wilhelm.

Emergency procedure began. A tricky maneuver with hundreds of determined, code-following Pigeons barrelling due North in a business-as-usual manner. However, as the signal was sent through the cloud in a wave of feathers and winks, the leaders on the front line wasted no time in catching up with Wilhelm. Florence and Karl got there first, immediately registering the distress of their bug-eyed friend. He was choking. Flapping like mad, cookies caught mid-toss, he had lodged a heap of some unknown toxicity in his gullet and was now in danger of spewing it out his little nostrils. Three of the others made it to the front in time to catch the alarm on their compatriots’ faces and they immediately dropped the signal to the flock. These pigeons were extremely close-knit, and they never, ever, ever let one of the tribe go down in flames. They were calling an emergency landing.

This procedure occurs often enough in mid-air articulations of winged ones, but when it happens, you better believe they waste no time in its execution. Before a groundling could count to seven, the bird cloud had come wheeling down from near the absolute ceiling to a very convenient spread of leafless oaks next to a sprawling pig farm. The only complaint was the smell, but only the adolescent birds at the back of the flock had any attention to pay for that triviality. The hulk of the flock was consumed with concern for their obviously-ailing Lead Bird of the day.

Wilhelm was heaving and whirling atop a wide branch. Flo, Karl, and the others had guided him gently to the perch, using their instinctive proprioception to effectively air-crutch him one stair at a time down the stairway from heaven [1]. Indeed, his fame and fortitude would be remembered for generations, for many reasons beyond the very personal circumstances of his peril.

The community tried to save him, as one can imagine a Pigeon community might do. But absent a working knowledge of the Heimlich [2], they were without recourse. Wilhelm at last gracefully stepped backwards off the perch, pinning his wings to his sides in a very dignified posture for final flight, and spun to the ground where his body would rest as nourishment for the trees.

Shocked, saddened, and consumed with the familial melancholy following such a loss, the flock spent the night in exactly that spot, weathering the stink of the too-many-pigs-in-one-place farm all through the night. In the morning, after each Pigeon had paid its respects to the land of their fallen friend, the doctorly crone of the bunch, Lady Rémoulade, would report to those curious that the bulge in young Wilhelm’s throat had consisted of bile and what seemed to be toxic grains.

The buzz of hushed conversation was relentless as they took their flight homeward in the rising sun. Like gossipy math students behind a substitute teacher, they hissed and hinted and gasped all the way back to their home room.

Serious shit was afoot. Someone had to tell Livia.

 

-**

1. Empirically, just for statistics, it’s safe to say his sink speed was legendary for a bird in the process of choking to death.
2. Let alone any practical necessities like the anatomy and flexibility required for its implementation.

Last Things First

It has been said before and will be said again: The End Is Near.

The End Is Near!!!

True story: humans are not actually looking at Apocalypse as a likely outcome. That would be far too conceited: a far too arrogant way to go out. It would really give them that Superpower badge of approval that the American Experiment has worked so hard to earn on behalf of the species. Taking the whole of the planet down with them, really: they need not prove they are so powerful. Apocalyptic fingerpointers and signwearers and doomsdayers: where did your power come from? Where did life begin? Where did your breakfast grow? Where did your last bowel movements get processed & returned to the Earth?

Really. Come, now. Even all those nuclear weapons: they are maintained and guarded by breakfast-eaters, they were invented and built by bowel-movers. They are quacked about and quaked over by the breathers of this shared air. They are made with uranium or plutonium mined from what? That’s right. The Earth upon whose skin they crawl. The Earth of whose body we are made. The Earth under whose weather they find themselves discovering hysteria & woe, healing & wholeness. The Earth whose sighs we ride with our wings wide and our eyes open. Humans are no less Earth than we Pigeonfolk! We know what they have forgotten. We could all blow one another to smithereens, but we won’t take this planet with us! We’re made of this planet.

Try as they might, the humans are never going to destroy this Earth with their pathological pathways. They’re not capable of the Apocalypse they constantly threaten and fear. No one’s transfiguring into the fallout monstershow heroes so many uninitiated children are secretly pulling for. Humans are not capable of actually severing themselves from Nature. Believe me, even if they self-destruct, they’re not aiming anywhere past Thunderdome.

What they do face is something far more real, far more practical, far more humbling. What they face is: total extinction of the species.

It has been done before (many, many times on their watch) and it is not afraid to be done again! The question is: will they bring themselves into balance or will they face the looming extinction provoked by poor choices, by ignoring conservation biology, by refusing harmonious adaptation? Will they heal from the centuries of repetitive trauma and corresponding pathologies in time to read the suicide note written by the very architects of their so-called modern civilization?

Well, my friends, it seems there is time to make choices, and it seems the only time to choose is the Present. But how does one learn what one refuses to see?

Something will need to help them open their eyes, to raise their sleepwalky lids. To raise their gaze from what was written to what is writing. And here, my friends: we raise our wings to the cause.

That’s enough. Let’s start a little more slowly. Swallowing too quickly can disturb digestion. Not to mention equilibrium.

This sermon of the Reverend Fledgling Flop was one of many verbal embellishments of the original text from which it was inspired. Readers of any excerpt of The Empathy of Nature, by one L. S. Columbia, would find a much more humble, subtle, invested investigation of interconnected, intergenerational, interspecies revelation. That is, if there were readers of said book. If the standard research tools used for measuring Reality were a bit less like hammers and a bit more like skin or hearts or bones or lungs. The findings would then occur less like nails and more like sunrises or musicals or orgasms. Or Pigeons.

In any case, the book was not published by the military research department where its author had secretly, vainly toiled upon it. It was not published at all, save for a few stray typewritten self-bound copies burning holes in the pockets of old houses. Its author was dismissed and harassed, then disappeared. Its ideas were castigated, squelched, and silenced by the steely arm of the US government’s favorite robot.

Meanwhile, the military industrial complex and the mass media have long continued the fight for ownership of the exact tone with which the culture would cry “Apocalypse! ™”

No one using those mouthpieces was talking about human extinction, not really, not with the level of humble relatedness that such consideration requires.

Extinction is something like a death. Apocalypse is more like a movie.

The squawks of indignance come readily:

What kind of nonsensical drivel is meant by the suggestion that a creature seven billion strong on this planet could possibly find itself facing extinction, rather than just causing it? What kind of superstitious crap might one be slinging, what kind of New-Agey twaddle is responsible? And how is it any different from the heavy-metal soundtrack of Apocalypse!? Not a bit! Just more uptight shmoes trying to sell bunkers and indestructible soup cans and loads of duct tape! What in the world could possibly threaten the most intellectually advanced species, the most highly proliferated breed of earthling?

Well. A little history [1]:

There was a time when the open eye could watch the shade move in from miles away. At one time, the shadow that fell over the land could last for days, when millions upon millions of Passenger Pigeons passed over. Human beings would watch this phenomenon like the weather, gather its gifts when possible, curse its bad timing when convenient to do so. There once were so many Passengers it would be laughable to suggest their demise. There were so many Passengers it seemed like lunacy to regulate the human consumption thereof. Life was teeming with Passengers, and no conscious choices could threaten this fact.

In 1914, the Passenger Pigeon officially reached extinction.

The Passenger’s main cultural distinction among birds was that they lived in incredibly large numbers, flying from place to place in unbelievably enormous flocks, flocks that took the shape of the aforementioned weather patterns. These communities were so gravid with the mass of their innumerable families, there could be losses by the thousands without making so much as a scratch in their breeding blueprints [2]. So the Passengers went about their business for decades without changing their patterns, unable to recognize the danger they actually faced. As the culture beneath their wings developed an insatiable demand and remarkable ease in killing them off, Passenger population soon dropped past a point of no return. Since the birds had no official defense except through a scarce few environmentally-zealous members of the same predator species that had devised their doom, the Passengers reached their endpoint. A single bird, named Martha [3] by the species that had killed every last one of her ancestors, relatives, lovers, and friends, died in the Cincinnati Zoo.

This was just before the human war in which many Homing Pigeons, close kin to the Passenger, performed feats of great strength and courage on behalf of the army of the culture of beings who extinguished their cousins. Yes, the same braintangle trod from Mercutio to Maria [4]. Surviving Pigeon populations knew they were heavily overlooked by most birders and nature lovers. They knew they were branded with second-class status in the bird community due to some apparently distasteful combination of their numbers, their trash-pickup vocations, and their proximity to places where people openly peed in the streets [5]. They were quite aware that many members of the general public had an aversion to them at the least, a full-blown phobia at worse, an actual ornithocidal obsession at very worst.

Sometimes a cycle of great difficulty produces the conditions necessary for massive growth, unexpected thriving, unprecedented flourishing. Through the challenge of invisibility, the sting of persecution, and the pain of underestimation, the Pigeon has quietly carried on. And, behind the scenes, beyond the perception of most other species, Pigeons have been courting a serious comeback.

Modern Pigeons, evolving at lightspeed like all the rest, have become extraordinarily present to their many hidden talents and fascinating gifts. They have become intimately aware of their innate potential, cultivating developments that even the most dedicated of Pigeon Fanciers could never even fathom. Quite useful, that magic called Adaptation.

Like squirrels, they have gained some new skills since the 20th century: they have their own upgraded versions of that uncanny ability to gauge perfectly, down to the split second, a mad dash across the street to outrun an oncoming vehicle at 25, 30, 50 miles per hour.

Believe it or not, the Pigeons have been evolving exponentially.

Believe it or not, the Pigeons have learned about more than mere survival.

Believe it or not, the Pigeons have big plans.

In an extensive research study performed at the Psychology Laboratories of Harvard University–decades after one Livia S. Columbia attempted to publish similar findings out of an East Coast military research facility–it was discovered that the common Pigeon, or Rock Dove, possesses an impressive dolphin-caliber intelligence. Pigeons are able to recognize all 26 letters of the English alphabet, to differentiate between photographed images and faces, and to explore abstract conceptualizations, upon (reward-enhanced [6]) request. This may be hard to take in for the grey-matter-endowed, but there is indeed more. Pigeons pass the “mirror test,” which puts them among only three non-mammalian species to prove capable of recognizing themselves in the mirrorIf you’re still saying, “Yeah, my kid in onesies can do all that,” try this one on: research also showed that pigeons were capable of completing complex mathematical problems on the same level as primates. Primates, you say? Well, what could possibly stand in their way? Many a genius of nature [7] has proven quantum mathematics superior to even the most adept of opposable thumbs.

Yes, you say, but all those thumbs are still hard at work. And they are attached to brains with slow processing systems, egos that haven’t gotten crucial updates. Spyware & malware & too many video games eating up RAM.

The unfortunate situation is that humans, carrying the extraordinarily disruptive plagues of myopia and narcissism, have been preoccupied with “controlling” the Pigeon populations. “Managing” the “bird problem.” They have employed various measures through the years, from all-out killing sprees [8] to surreptitious drugging. City-dwellers have become accustomed to the disconcerting sight of unexplained, perfectly-preserved dead pigeons in the streets, on the sidewalks, in the flowerbeds. Palm-pounding propagandists pummelled the populace with paranoia about parasitic pathogens. They called it “Avian Flu” or “Bird Flu” [9] and they scared everyone but the man in the park covered in birdfeed, the woman on the stairs with baskets of breadcrumbs, the little kids on the fire escape with a bagfulla snacks. So, years after the social punch was spiked with fear of birds (ornithophobia) and the vermin they carried (mysophobia), the relationship was pruned down one step further, casting the birds themselves as Vermin.

Human beings, even though they total over seven billion strong, are quite fearful of seeing other creatures in large hoards [10]. Depending on the person, there is a short-to-very-short fuse in reaction to encounters with “too many” of something. Swarms of bees. Teems of fish. Armies of ants. Congregations of spiders. Kingdoms of rats. Parliaments of owls. Infestations of cockroaches. Skyfulla pigeons. Humans tend to get all squeamish with direct evidence of the multitudes of other animalfolk sharing the planet. When pressed—and by “pressed,” it is often meant simply “presented” or “suggested”—humans may react with violent, unthinking explosions until the throngs of the Other have been subdued or destroyed. The species does not like to be outnumbered, even in small batches.

So. It’s well known among Pigeons that the “vermin problem” swept common human consciousness into an easily-manipulated pile of complaints and reactions. In this state of fear, there are very few individuals with any interest in record-breaking discoveries about the intelligence of the Pigeon. Fewer, still, would combine that interest with humble investigations into the slim possibility of human survival on the planet.

Those of us who exist at the nexus point are in for a rewarding adventure.

-**

1. Or future-telling, depending on when you read this mobius strip.

2.Survival by Mob Rule. Sound familiar?

3. Martha was the name of ole George’s wife, a trite joke by the culture of a nation begun by the paranoid conquest of puritanical freedom fighters seeking refuge through violence and declaring themselves supreme rulers. Right, name the last bird of the species you murdered after the wife of your great first leader. Amateurs. Much like “mount rushmore,” i.e. offensively shitty graffiti. 

4.  Enter the heart-wrenching cellos of Irony, the awkward oboes of Shame, the single flute of Wonder. 

5. We’ll return to this later, under Decolonize the Dove education provided by the AEAE. In short, they’re way ahead of you, and you might wanna reconsider the habit of blaming animals for the deplorable human environments to which their behaviors have adapted.

6. See also: mesolimbic pathway, type B fun, this page, or Vanni Rigamonte.

7. For example…

8. No, for real.

9. Notably, “Avian Flu” hit the market shortly after “Asian Flu,” and some time after “Africanized Killer Bees” made headlines. You can see the trend. There has yet to be an outbreak of “Wealthy White Western Androcentritic Hypocritical Huff Hysteria.” At least not in official documents, anyway. Keep an ear out for WWWAHHH sufferers.

10. Trypophobia is so last decade. Solidarity on polyzoophobia, anyone? …which is an abbreviation of polyautoataxoatelodemokosmikoeisoptropantosymbolobolshephobia …which has now triggered metahellenelogophobia. Don’t worry, there will soon be online forums for all of these.